


The World Turned Upside Down

by shellsgoboom



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sara makes a brief but necessary appearance, because Shane is an oblivious idiot, past Shane/Sara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 02:26:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12831345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellsgoboom/pseuds/shellsgoboom
Summary: He may not believe in the way Ryan does, but he can deflect and protect and if his heart starts beating faster at the sound of surprised laughter or a fleeting look of pure admiration, well, it's easy to get caught up in the moment, that's all.





	The World Turned Upside Down

It doesn't happen the way he expects it to.  
  
He doesn't expect it to happen at all, really, and as someone who spends his time analysing and applying logic to every part of his life he wonders how he missed something so glaringly obvious.   
  
It doesn't happen whilst filming on location. Countless hours spent tiptoeing through dusty halls and empty rooms can be tedious, but Ryan's boundless energy keeps him motivated. This is what he looks forward to most; cracking jokes and breaking the tension as Ryan jumps and screams in fear laced with barely concealed excitement.   
  
He may not believe in the way Ryan does, but he can deflect and protect and if his heart starts beating faster at the sound of surprised laughter or a fleeting look of pure admiration, well, it's easy to get caught up in the moment, that's all.  
  
It doesn't happen in the bar. After far too long spent working, staring at a screen until the images blur together, the offer of a drink or two to wind down is too tempting to decline.   
  
They find a place to sit tucked into the back corner and he sinks into the seat, exhaustion catching up with him. The conversation is limited but comfortable, and he feels himself relaxing with every passing minute. Two drinks have turned to four, five, maybe six, he's lost count at this point but Ryan's gesturing wildly as he goes off on a tangent about something _incredible Shane oh my god wait until you see where we're filming next,_  and as he leans in to hear more he thinks _fuck it, I'll deal with the hangover tomorrow_  and blames the rush of warmth in his chest on the alcohol.  
  
It doesn't happen in the car. The drive is long and he's eager to get back home and wash off the dirt and grime and sleep in a real bed. Ryan's behind the wheel, eyes focused on the road ahead and this may be their least favourite part of the whole show. The thrill of the previous day has worn off, leaving them tired and short tempered after a restless night on a cold, hard floor. He glances across at Ryan, taking in the tense line of his shoulders and doesn't notice the headlights until a moment too late.  
  
There's a split second of silence. The lights are blinding and his hands are reaching for something - Ryan or the steering wheel he doesn't know but suddenly there's noise, too much noise, screeching tyres and metal and someone's screaming, it might be him but there's no air left in his lungs and everything's turning upside down and all he can think is _Ryan_  and _please_  until the world goes dark.  
  
He wakes up slowly, eyes adjusting to the bright lights and an overwhelming sense of _wrong, something's wrong_. Pain shoots through his body and there's a sudden flurry of people checking the machines by his side and talking in hushed, soothing tones.  
  
Someone's asking him questions but his mind can't piece together the answers quick enough and he thinks if they could just stop talking he might be able to focus and remember how he ended up here in the first place.   
  
It doesn't happen at the hospital. As the memories come flooding back the feeling of dread sharpens and he interrupts the doctor's questions with his own panicked _Ryan? Where's Ryan?_  He doesn't understand most of the medical jargon in the response but he hears the word _stable_  and the vice around his heart loosens just a little.   
  
It doesn't happen at home. Boredom and frustration set in surprisingly quickly and he neglects his own recovery in favour of visiting Ryan as much as he can.   
  
His friends and family shift from supportive to concerned, and it grates on him no matter how well meaning they try to be. Subtle glances and pregnant pauses don't go unnoticed as he wonders how nobody understands the need to see your best friend after you nearly lost them.   
  
He calls Sara when his patience has worn thin and all but demands an explanation. She hesitates for a second, and it makes him want to cry with frustration. Her reply is soft, _you need to figure out what you want_ ; she's said those words before a lifetime ago and it feels like a break up again. He didn't understand what she meant then. He still doesn't understand what she means now, but somehow it hurts even more.  
  
It happens in the office kitchen on a mundane Tuesday afternoon. He's been back at work since Monday, and the familiar sounds of his friends and coworkers is a relief to return to. The empty space at Ryan's desk is unsettling, but he keeps repeating a mantra of _he's alive, he's okay, he's coming back_  in his mind until another distraction comes along.  
  
3pm comes and goes and the need for caffeine drags him away from his desk. The routine is soothing, going through the motions of pouring coffee and believing nothing has changed for a moment. He nods a greeting to Sara as she enters the room and smiles, _made a cup for me too?_ , and he frowns in confusion, _what? No this is for-_  
  
It happens in the kitchen, holding two mugs of coffee instead of one and _oh_ , he thinks. _Fuck_.   
  
The dawning realisation must show on his face as he notices Sara's expression turn to understanding. She takes the hot drinks away before they slip to the floor and replaces them with her own hands. He thinks she might be talking; her mouth is moving but all he can hear is the buzzing in his ears and his heart pounding.   
  
_You need to figure out what you want_ echoes round his head until it's drowned out by another voice. _You know what you want_. It sounds like Ryan. It sounds like a fucking ghost whispering in his ear and that thought makes him laugh, perhaps more of a choked sob, because Ryan would laugh at that and it's Ryan it's all Ryan it's always been Ryan and he understands now.  
  
He keeps this new found understanding to himself for a while. It feels tender, like something fragile that could shatter at the slightest touch. He lets it settle and grow inside him until the warmth feels like home.  
  
When Ryan eventually returns to work it's to an unsurprising celebration. Continuous streams of _welcome back_  and _we missed you_  and _good to see you buddy_  follow him round and Shane watches in amusement as Ryan's pleased embarrassment grows.   
  
They're swept up into meetings and preparations to pick up the series where they left off and it isn't until late in the evening that they get a moment alone. Shane sits at his desk in the now quiet office, looks across at Ryan filling the empty space again and thinks _alive_  and _here_  and _mine_  until the warmth burns hot and he has to look away.  
  
If Ryan notices he doesn't say anything, but as the silence stretches on he shifts until their legs touch gently under the desk, and Shane feels the world finally flip the right side up again.


End file.
